There is a special place for dogs called Rainbow Bridge and that’s where my Alex went on Wednesday, August 12 of this year. Alex turned 13 years old this year and we celebrated her birthday a bit late and I remember thinking, “I hope we have more years together.” But that was not meant to be.
We got Alex when she was a little over 2 months old, and Cynthia was not too crazy about her, but as time went by I saw Alex work her magic and Cynthia fell in love with her. The day we took her for the very last time to the vet, I was driving while Cynthia sat in the back seat with Alex. I was very serious and quiet but I would not allow myself to cry because I was thinking, “I need to be there for Alex. Don’t cry,” but as soon as Cynthia touched my arm without saying a single word the tears just came rolling down my cheeks. At that point in time my heart was telling me, “Drive. Drive. Don’t stop. Go back to Maryland and all would be fine.” But my head was saying, “Do the right thing, and let her go.” I stopped crying and we finally got to the vet. We were led to a small room where we were given time to say goodbye to Alex. Cynthia couldn’t stop crying. I kissed and hugged Alex and after that my girl stayed with Cynthia giving her kisses while she continued crying. Till the very end, Alex kept teaching us lessons to live by. Although Alex really was my dog, her last moments were spent consoling Cynthia. I can still see them together and it was amazingly moving. Cynthia had fallen in love with my Alex. The vet and vet tech finally came in and while Cynthia held Alex in her arms and I held her little white paws in my hands Alex left this world.
We stayed with Alex for a while and then we put her on a stretcher and gave her a final kiss and hug. We went outside and sat in the car crying our eyes out for I don’t know how long. 13 years of being the 3 musketeers all of a sudden ended. It has taken me almost a month to write about Alex because I just didn’t have the strength to do it, but now I am ready, so here it goes.
My dear Alex,
Let me start by saying that you’ve been the best teacher I could have ever wished for. If one day I could be even a fraction of the amazing being you were, I’d venture to say that I did great. You were my furry kid, companion, and most of all my teacher. Because of you I learned about patience, tolerance, love, peace, laughter, and even the one I find the hardest to do, letting go.
Words could never express how much I miss you. You were the only being that could calm me down when I was enraged. There were times when you knew that I was mad even before I realized it. You’d shiver and look straight at me. That’s how Cynthia knew I was mad. You always gave me away. I’d look at you and my anger would disappear in a matter of seconds. You had that calming effect on me. I heard somewhere that we don’t get the dogs we want, we get the dogs we need and I do believe that was the case with you.
It’s been almost a month since you left, and your bed, brace and leash are still in their usual place. I cannot put them away yet. Your ashes are in the living room where we spend most of our time and I keep telling myself, “She is still with you. She is still with you.” I don’t know what to do without you in my life. I truly do not. I feel a void, an emptiness, a hole in my heart, a pain that words would never be able to fully describe.
It’s amazing how much I changed because of you. I was a party girl. Before you came into my life, fun was going out dancing on the weekends. Once you entered my life, fun was staying at home with you and Cynthia watching TV and eating popcorn. I don’t regret one single night I enjoyed at home with you. Also, I wasn’t a very friendly person, you, on the other hand, greeted every person as if he/she were your best friend therefore I had to say, “Hello.” Do you see how much you changed me?
Alex, I love you with all my heart. I miss you dearly and you will forever be in my heart and in my thoughts. Thank you for all the lessons you taught me, for all the kisses you gave me when I cried, for all the times you made me laugh so hard my stomach hurt, for your love, for your companionship, for the balance that you brought into my life, and for so much more.
It was an adventure, a learning experience, a love affair, a joyful journey, and a privilege to have had you in my life. I will be forever grateful to have been fortunate enough to be your mom.
Till we see each other again, your mom,