For most of the day, yesterday, I had chest pain, which is something I have not felt in months. I felt weird. No, I did not go to the hospital, yes, I know you are asking at this point, “Why didn’t you go to the hospital?” Because my chest pain is always related to something bad happening to a loved one that I have a connection with and once I find out who this person or being happens to be, the pain disappears. I did not call or text anybody because I did not want to alarm them so I watched TV and later on went to sleep.
Early in the morning, before taking Alex and Roxy for a walk, I checked my e-mail and I found out the culprit for my chest pain: Maggie, the beautiful rottie. The pain had disappeared. Maggie’s dad apologized because he was not going to be able to bring Maggie to stay with us for the upcoming holiday and explained to me that Maggie had stage 5 cancer and that she was not responding to chemo and that she even had a hard time getting up therefore he’d be ending her suffering soon.
As I was reading this e-mail, tears were running down my face and I had to read it again to make sure that I understood what he wrote. I was so, so mad and sad. How could such a beautiful dog like Maggie leave us so soon? Alex and Roxy were looking at me as if asking, “What’s going on?” I wiped my tears and I tried to compose myself, but Alex would not leave my side so I touched her and said to her, “I am ok, don’t worry.” As if on cue, right after I said that Alex went to sun bathe and looked relaxed.
I told my girlfriend about it and said to her, “I hate when I feel this way. These freaking premonitions I have don’t do that person or being I love any good because by the time I feel something is wrong, there is absolutely nothing anybody can do for them. I hate it and I wish I did not have it for it is useless.” I was so angry and in pain that I also said other things I do not care to repeat for I hate cursing, and that is what I did for a few minutes.
Maggie is the first dog that I had the opportunity to pet sit that is going to that rainbow bridge. I am so glad and grateful for the time I had with her. I am also hurt and pissed, but that is just me being human. I cannot even imagine what her parents are feeling at this moment. I’ve realized something today that I did not know until now and that is that even though I know that the dogs I pet sit are not mine, they become part of me and to my surprise the pain of losing them is not diminished just because the dog does not happen to be Alex. What can I say? I fall in love with all of them and I feel as if they are mine. What a crazy pet sitter I am.
I’ve asked God, yes I believe in God even though I pray very little and only for special loved ones, that when my time comes the only thing I’d like is for all the dogs, mine and the ones that came into my life, to help me cross that Rainbow Bridge, this way we can all cross it together and never be apart from each other again. That to me would be Heaven.
I love you Maggie and I was honored and privileged to have had you in my life for you are one unique and amazing dog. One of a kind. I will miss you terribly, but I’ll see you one day again. May your passing be peaceful and the days you have left on this earth be full of love from your parents and all of us who love you.